HELLPRESS #1

This time, the nihilistic readers of this webzine will be subjects to a lesson of Polish language. Yes. It's cool to read about polish zines, but you have to learn; Since I have became an expert reading "The zines I can't understand" you will have to learn from the things I could drag from these 8xA5 pages.
First, if you want to say the current year, just say "rok" (Very useful if you use a time machine, land in Poland and feel an enormous urge to fuck), not like "Rock'n roll" but like the guy in Sad Ex. Then, if you one day visit Poland for real and want to tell the policemen your identity card is a real one, not a false copy, you will need to say "druk" (Which stands for something like pro printed or glossy) as opposed to "ksero" which means xeroxed. If these policemen aren't cooperative, you could still try to tell them to speak English... Even if you don't know how to write 3-words-long-sentences in the hard-as-a-rock polish tongue, a simple "Angielski? Angielski?" might be enough... And well, if they really insist, you could still try to show them this copy of HELL PRESS! After all there are so many toxic paper zines in Poland (Is there something special in their ground? Chernobyl II?) that you might be lucky and find a metal policeman! Ah! So you could try to communicate and "talk" about all the fanzines reviewed in there... Because this minizine contains only reviews of other zines , mostly polish ones, but also from other countries. The reviews are quite long so it might be informative. Few of the zines are older, but what can you do if the editor wants to talk about his collection? And well, if the metal policeman is very busy reading articles about older zines he doesn't own, you could try to escape and run Héhé... Notice the editor also runs another minizine called SILESIAN ASSAULT (which contains music reviews or inties) and contributes to METAL RULEZ webzine.

c/o Grzegorz Kiecok, Ul Partyzantow 12, 43200 PSZCZYNA, POLAND.

Email: Grzeg84 (a) wp.pl